Bitchy n' Itchy

Yesterday was my first day on my own with the kids, from 1pm-10:30pm. I almost blogged about it last night, but I think getting my hands on any type of communication/writing tools would have resulted in my suicide note, so I refrained and went to bed instead. Here's a fragment: at one point, as I was sobbing uncontrollably, there was an entire loaf of french bread strewn across the living room, and one kid was phoning his Dad at work to tell him that I hit him (I hadn't actually, I had grabbed him by his arm because he was trying to run out the front door) so needless to say, morpheine was on the menu last night at bedtime.

Today, however, is a new day. The kids were (surprisingly) fairly well behaved and the house stayed relatively clean. Unfortunately, I have a whole new batch of "symptoms" stemming from the TT. Firstly, a lower back that feels as though it's been transplanted from a 138 year old with scoliosis. I'm not too sure if this is from sleeping in a semi-upright position or walking like a hunchback or a combo of both, all I know is that I would cut off my right boob to be able to go to the chiropractor right now (ok maybe not, the boob was pretty pricey...how about a finger?) - I actually think my back hurts more than my stomach today. Number two...no, not THAT kind of #2, I already put you through that image last week...the itchiest freaking incision ever. I guess it doesn't help that it's like 3 feet long and is covered up by a 80% mesh-20% cardboard girdle that runs from my tits to my hips. I am ready to rake myself raw and the more I try not to think about it, the itchier it gets. It reminds me of when someone talks about kids getting infested with head lice, and your first instinct is to scratch your head (you did it, didn't you?) ...and last but definitely not least, an itchy crotch. I am normally a regular "bikini shaver" but am not really able to because of the drain incision sites, so the pubes are coming in and I am walking around like Al Bundy with my hand down my pants all day, but without the "happy ending". I actually scratched so hard and so much that when I went to the bathroom earlier dozens of flakes of dry skin flew out of my underwear when I pulled them down, like bits of confetti. SURPRISE!!

You didn't actually think I was going to blog without making you cringe, did you?